A Friend In Need
by Avoline Malfoy
Summary: Rhys never woke up. He simply stayed dead. It was simply another carrot dangled in front of a group of selfish rabbits, and we all fell for it. RATED M JUST IN CASE, NO SPOILERS, MY FIRST GWANTO PLEASE BE NICE.
1. Heartbreak and Betrayal

_Disclaimer: I own nothing_

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_Everything comes back full circle. I'm back to the Torchwood fandom, and while I love Janto, I'm toying with the Gwanto (Gwen/Ianto) pairing. As well as a few what ifs. Like, what if Rhys never woke up after having Bilis stab him?_

_Yeah, not too fond of Rhys, but I also don't write for the show._

_So, ready to see what roller coaster I take you down?_

_Sit back and hold on tight!_

_Love always,_

_Avoline_

_P.S: After the whole Bilis Manger deal, I am basically ignoring the show. So no spoilers if you're past Season 1._

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I don't know quite when I fell in love with Gwen Cooper, or how. I barely even know how I managed to keep her, in spite of all that I have lost. But I remember all too clearly the moment that kick started it all.

It was the night after Abaddon had made his way to our world. We had done what needed to be done to set everything right. The rift was closed, all people and creatures returned to their respective times, and Abaddon defeated. I never got Lisa back. Tosh didn't get her mother back. And, as predicted, Owen didn't get Diana back.

But Rhys never woke up. The wound never sealed itself. He simply stayed dead. Like all the other temptations, it never happened. It was just another carrot dangled in front of a group of selfish rabbits, and we all fell for it.

Tosh and Owen had went to set up a crime scene in Gwen's flat, and I had taken her to my flat. She didn't need to be alone, and she couldn't go home anyway. The memories alone would crush her. And we had lost so much, as well as Jack.

She just stared straight ahead. She didn't really seem to acknowledge anything, just move where directed and not speak. I glanced at her the whole drive home, wondering how long my friend would be like this. Would she eat anything? Would she snap out of it soon? Or would she waste away while we all watched, helpless to do anything more? Every glance cut a little deeper, cause that so easily could have been me.

We were almost there when she finally spoke.

"How did you do it," she asked me. I almost drove off the road cause she scared me.

"Do what," I responded hesitantly.

"How did you survive loosing her," she clarified. I felt a small ache in my chest at the memory of loosing Lisa, but I had to think about what got me through. I might be the only person who can properly help Gwen.

"I guess I knew she was gone long before the incident at HQ," I answered. "It still hurt, but deep down, I knew I had lost her when the Cybermen had started converting her. I know the situation isn't the same."

"But the pain is," she whispered. I sighed, knowing she right. Owen would be better at explaining it, but I'm sure his answer is the same as mine: ignore the pain until it goes away. That's human nature for most.

But Gwen Copper wasn't most people. She faced her emotions and took her time dealing with them, no matter how long or how crippling. She would never take that advice. She would scoff and say that ignoring it isn't dealing with it, and she would be right.

"The only way I can deal with loss is to ignore the pain until it doesn't hurt anymore," I explained. "But I also know that that advice won't work for you, Gwen. You take your time, you deal with the pain your way. I'll be right here. All you have to do is call for me. I promise, you don't have to do this alone."

I didn't mean to get choked up. I never meant for tears to burn my eyes. But the idea of Gwen having to deal with her grief alone tore at me. Maybe it's my soft heart, but I knew she couldn't do this alone.

And I wouldn't let her.

We got to my flat with nothing more said, and I gently lead her to the door. I just kept watching her, wondering when she would break. There would be eyeliner running down her face, and this suit would probably have to go to the dry cleaners. And that was okay. I'd let her cling to me until she fell asleep if that was what she needed.

I didn't have to wait long.

She closed her eyes, then crumbled. I caught her before she could hit her head on anything, and that's when she started screaming. The pain behind it was so clear, and it was heartbreaking to hear. She just kept screaming, no tears or words. All I could do was hold her and let her scream.

I don't know when she quit screaming, but I had finally looked down to see her asleep in my arms. I gently lifted her and carried her into the bedroom. She whimpered some, and I could barely make out Rhys's name among the unintelligible murmuring. I laid her on my bed and covered her up after removing her trainers. I threw on last glance at her as I walked out. She looked so broken and alone, and I could tell she wasn't going to sleep well. She would be plagued by nightmares, seeing him over and over again.

I sat on the couch and cried, not for Lisa or Jack or Susie, but for the woman asleep in my bed. I cried for the man who lost his life far too early. I cried for the possibilities that would never come to be.

I cried until I fell asleep sitting on the couch.


	2. Nightmares and Memories

_Disclaimer: I own nothing_

* * *

_Hopefully, this will catch on. Either way, I'm going to keep writing it._

_So, Ianto feels for her. But in what way?_

_Sit back and find out!_

_Love always,_

_Avoline_

* * *

I was watching old MASH reruns on Netflix when she screamed. I glanced at the clock, shocked to notice she had slept a good three hours before the nightmare became too much. Still, I wasted no time running to her. She needed someone, but the person she wanted was gone. Owen would understand, but she didn't need sex. She needed true understanding. She needed someone to let her set the pace.

And that person would be me.

I opened the door to see her clawing at the sheets. There were also deep scratches down her arms.

_Oh, God, she's hurt herself!_

I bolted to her side and pulled her close. To hell with the David Bowie shirt I had on. She needed help! She was bleeding and screaming and clawing at everything within reach, including me. I couldn't bring myself to care if I was hurt or not.

Not when she was screaming his name.

"Gwen," I nearly shouted. "Gwen, wake up! Come on, just wake up!" She screamed again, and I thought I felt my heart crack a little. Was I this bad when Lisa died? Or was it when she was halfway converted? I didn't have time to remember. She was fighting against me, her nails scratching at my face. "Gwen, please, wake up!"

She went limp, and I held my breath. She would either explode, or wake up and realize that her worst fears were true. Either way, I was staying. I wouldn't abandon her. Not when she needed me. Not when she needed anyone. I would do what I could to help her. Even if it damn near killed me.

"Rhys," her voice croaked, and I felt a dull ache in my chest. How many times had I woke up and groggily asked for Lisa? And how long did that happen? Weeks? Months? She sounded so alone, and so unsure.

"I'm sorry, Gwen," I murmured, pushing her hair from her face. "I'm so sorry." She pressed into me a little more, and I simply held her. That's all she needed right now. To know that someone was there for her. I knew what it was like to loose someone in that place, and I wouldn't blame her for never wanting to go back again. It would hurt to do so, but I wouldn't blame her for wanting to forget everything to do with Torchwood.

"Oh, God," she breathed, and I tightened my hold. "Oh, God, he's dead. He's dead, and it's my fault." I shook my head as she sobbed into my shirt.

"No," I countered. "No, it's not your fault. You couldn't have known. It's not your fault, Gwen."

Why did those words hurt so much? Why did hearing her blame herself hurt me like this? Maybe because it honestly isn't her fault. She was trying to protect him. It was never her fault, and it would never be her fault. I wouldn't let her think like that. That sort of thinking would kill her. I was going to do whatever I could to keep her from thinking like that. I _would_ keep her from thinking like that.

She was still. I glanced down to see her asleep again. Well, so much for sleeping on the sofa. Cause if I moved, she'd wake up. Maybe she needed a pair of arms around her. Something I didn't have when I lost Lisa. So, I simply stayed and watched her.

She was, in all truth, rather beautiful. The way her hair cut framed her face. The shape of her lips. Even that gap in her teeth. It was all a part of who she was. A daring, stubborn woman who protected those she cared about fiercely. Even those of us at Torchwood, despite how easily she could blame us for ruining her life. She could have lead a normal life. She should be leading a normal life.

But all that was taken away from her.

Yet, she had chosen this life. She wanted to work for Torchwood, wanted to work with us. She knew the risks, yet chose to stay, when we would have understood if she had walked away. Would have been safer if she had. We would have survived with the few people we had. Why she chose to stay, I'll never know. She would have been better off if she had.

"Rhys," she whimpered, and I decided she didn't need to sleep any longer. Not if it was going to be nothing but torment.

"Gwen, wake up," I prompted. "Come on, wake up. Won't do you much good sleeping right now." Her eyes slid open to meet mine, and the pain in them cut me to the bone. God, was this how pathetic I looked? Why had I insisted on going through it alone? I pushed her hair out of her eyes, trying to hold it together for her. "Come on, Gwen. Let's get up. I've got some ice cream if it'll help." A smile flitted across her face for just a second before disappearing again.

"That sounds good," she whispered, and I helped her to her feet. I slid my arm across her shoulders, feeling her lean against me.

She didn't need ice cream. She sure as hell didn't need me doting on her like a mother hen. She needed her fiance. She needed to see his smile, hear his voice, feel his arm around her, not mine. She should be at home, snuggled up to him and watching some movie while munching on popcorn.

"Your face," she mumbled. "Ianto, what happened?" I smiled a bit, hoping to lighten the mood even a little bit.

"You had a bad dream," I answered. "Scratched up your arms good. Took a bit to wake you up. Got some sharp nails, you know that?" She laughed a little, and I felt the crack in my heart mend a little. She would be okay over time. There was hope for her yet.

"I'm sorry, Ianto," she muttered softly. "Didn't mean to hurt you." I gave her a gentle squeeze as we walked into my kitchen.

"I've been through worse," I responded.

Night one, over. But it won't even be the worst.


End file.
